Dear Oxford English Dictionary

April 17, 2007

Oxford English Dictionary
37a St Giles
Oxford
OX1 3LD

Dear Oxford English Dictionary:

The message is in regard to a startling epidemic that I am sure the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary are most certainly well aware of: the lack of a gender neutral pronoun to refer to indefinite words like ‘person,’ or ‘somebody.’

While only having attained the benefit of Honors English in the freshman year, it is still overwhelmingly apparent that such a word should be necessary in a language already so complex as English. Frankly it is appalling that this issue, in all its years of existence, has not been tended to prior to today.

Traditionally, the standard for pronoun usage concerning indefinite nouns and pronouns has been to simply use ‘he.’ This solution may have been fine for a short period of time, but now that the countries that use English have moved into the digital age, there is no reason why their languages should remain in the stone age.

That is why, after much polling, deliberation, and a secret ballot cast among the English Grammar elite at Dublin Coffman High school (consisting of Katie Hernandez, Matt Warren, and Xiaojing Wu), it has been decided that an appropriately tactful and modest solution is to slowly integrate such a pronoun into society. After more deliberation, and several delicious raspberry jelly-donuts, it has been decided that ultimately, the best start for that decided solution is to have this word put in an internationally recognized dictionary of high standing. However, when Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia could not officially vouch for the authenticity of this new, revolutionary pronoun, it was decided that the best course of action was to contact the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary.

So, it is respectively and humbly requested that the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary add this exquisite new word to Oxford’s repertoire of pronouns. The word is as follows.

Bloo [blooh] -Pronoun
1. Singular, gender neutral. Used to refer to other pronouns and nouns with unspecified genders: My friend is getting bloo car washed; A person may choose bloo own lifestyle.

A tentative and swift response to this issue will be greatly appreciated. Finally, the madness surrounding this problem can come to an end. Once the world can finally stop worrying over whether or not the pronouns it’s using agree with their respective nouns, it will be able to move onto more pressing matters, like making all saucepans worldwide nonstick, and eliminating Sanjaya.

Love,




Matthew Allan Warren,
5853 Parkbridge Lane
Dublin, Ohio 43016